The Story of Our Times - Trevor Moore

From Gilgamesh to Beowulf

To the Odyssey

Every time has a story to tell

And pass down through history

Ishmael went out searching for whales

And Gatsby longed for acceptance

Tom and Huck went and ran all amok

And we’ve been talkin' 'bout them ever since

Long after the people are gone

The stories that represent them still last

The written letter helps us know a little better

Our ancestors from the past

And we’re no different from they

We’ve all chosen our own story that will now live on

And summarize our current day

And represent us now forever in the great beyond

Little girl wanted to be famous so bad

'Cause she had a semi-famous dad

'Cause he was friends with a murderer

Who was on TV

Well she had no TV murder friends like her pa

But she had one that was in the gossip mags a lot

Because her grandfather owned hotels

And had made a lot of money

Well that friend blew a guy on videotape

And the news talked about it for six weeks straight

And our hero had a plan to get that fame

That she so craved

She got the guy who played the brother on that Moesha show

And they filmed themselves goin' hard as they could go

And we’ve been payin' attention to her for

The whole last decade

It was the story of you

It was the story of me

It was the story we choose

To pass down through history

It was the story of us

And of our time here

What we were about

And the heroes we cheer

It was the story of our times

More dense and rich than any script

That Tolstoy ever wrote

The epic would take years to tell

But here are the cliff notes

It started when Kim’s mom and dad were celebrating their anniversary

Kim bought them a stripper pole and gave it to them at their party

Then Kim and Khloe went to a shoot for Girls Gone Wild down in Mexico

Their dad found out and followed them so he could tell them no

Then the mom tried to convince Kim to do Playboy

And Khloe got a DUI

Kourtney had a pregnancy scare

And then she started to cry

Khloe gives a makeover to a homeless man

Nude photos of Kourtney come out and she cries again

The mom decides to build a chicken coop

Kim goes and does some sort of calendar shoot

The mom gets real drunk and gets a tattoo

The son wants to model and drop out of school

The dad goes and gets some plastic surgery

Kim goes to Comic Con for Disaster Movie

Khloe marries a basketball guy

Kourtney’s boyfriend gets drunk so again she cries

The mom tries out to be a cheerleader

They meet a family from Hurricane Katrina

They get a chihuahua and give it back 'cause it’s sick

Kourtney and her boyfriend split up 'cause he is a dick

Then they get back together 'cause they have a kid

Kim kisses her bodyguard and can’t believe what she did

Khloe loses a ring and then starts to cry

Kim marries a totally different basketball guy

The mom has surgery to get bigger breasts

Kim is shocked to find out she has psoriasis

The dad shows off some new earrings that he got

Khloe thinks that she’s pregnant but it turns out she’s not

Opera comes by the house to interview them

Kourtney and her boyfriend fight and she cries again

Khloe thinks that she’s adopted and does a DNA test

Then Kim starts to date Kanye West

Kim gets scared of a spider that she sees on the ceiling

Jimmy Fallon makes a joke that hurts the dad’s feelings

Kim gets pregnant and she gets really big

The mom for some reason babysits a pig

The dad tells everyone that now he’s a girl

The mom says she feels weird that now the dad is a girl

Khloe gives basketball guy another chance

Kim gets robbed of her jewelry when she visits France

Kourtney starts to cry again for some reason

And that’s basically what happens in the first 12 seasons

It was the story of you

It was the story of me

We voted with our views

On our phones, tablets, and TVs

This was the story of us

As we begin our fall

A family of the times

And the lessons that they taught us all

If you wanna make it in the world today

Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother (x 3)

You’ll never make it if you’re hung up on dignity

Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother

You can’t expect to just start up at Kanye

Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother

Point your phone at your ass and start snappin' away

Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother

Blow your boyfriend and get your mom to videotape

Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother

Be an icon just for not going away

Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother

Make your voice heard even if you’ve nothing to say

Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother

We can change this but we gotta start looking away