Bought a Monkey - Trevor Moore

Bought a monkey

Bought a monkey, bought a monkey

Bought a monkey

Bought a monkey, bought a monkey

Bought a monkey

Bought a monkey, bought a monkey

You see me coming, motherfucker, better run from me

Back in school everyone

Used to make fun of me

I ate my lunch by myself

And never went to parties

Jocks would push me around

Girls would all call me names

But I kept my mind on my paper

And my head in the game

Workin' three jobs at a time

And sockin' money away

While they all went to college

Just to get drunk and get laid

Years later, and I finally

Reached my goal with my funds

And everyone who bullied me

Is gonna see what I’ve done

Bought a monkey

Bought a monkey, bought a monkey

Bought a monkey

Bought a monkey, bought a monkey

Bought a monkey

Bought a monkey, bought a monkey

You see me coming, motherfucker, better run from

This monkey’s hard as shit

Bought him online from a zoo

So he’s crazy as hell

'Cause he was probably abused

He likes to smoke cigarettes

And looks good in headbands

I also tied nunchucks

To each one of his hands

And a knife to his head

A skateboard to his feet

Everyone who picked on me

Gon' run when we hit the streets

So wherever you at

You better run and hide

'Cause you finna be the victim

Of a monkey drive by

Then we’ll go to the clubs

And find Becky LaRue

She was the prettiest girl

In my entire school

Then she’ll be dancing with Brian

From the lacrosse team

But they gonna stop when they get a load of

Monkey and me

'Cause Monkey’s wearin' a suit

And we both look cool as hell

Then an hour later we’re tag teaming Becky

At the hotel

Brian’s watching us go

And he’s gettin' real sad

'Cause Becky tells him me and Monkey

Are the best that she’s had

And she gets pregnant real fast

'Cause our sperm count’s insane

Then gives birth to a half-monkey

With a human brain

His genetics are fucked

And he can hardly see

But he’s cute and says funny things

Like «Please kill me»

So we sell him to science

For a trillion in cash

Then withdraw it all

And make the dumb economy crash

Everyone’s poor as shit

And we’re both rich as hell

Everyone from high school

Is locked up in a cell

Then we go to the moon

And we meet moon babes

They each have like 6 boobs

And like 15 labes

Hey, weirdo.

The zoo’s closed, you gotta go

How much is it to buy one of these things?

I’ve told you before, you can’t own a monkey in this state

But I have almost one thousand and a hundred dollars

Doesn’t matter, now get out

Okay.

Just so you know, you’re on the list now

Alright, we’re all on the list, okay?

Go!

Bought a monkey

Bought a monkey, bought a monkey