Drinking Mans Diet - Allan Sherman

Oh, I’m on the Drinking Man’s Diet

It came from a book I was loaned

It’s really terrific and quite scientific

And I’m half stoned

For breakfast some cornflakes and vodka

But cornflakes have carbohydrate;

So I don’t eat those fattening cornflakes

I eat the vodka straight

Drink, drink, everyone drink;

It’s not as bad as we used to think

With every Manhattan your stomach will flatten

So drink, drink, drink

The Air Force invented this diet

A fact which they hotly deny

Of course they deny it, 'cause this is the diet

That got the Air Force high

For lunch you can have three martinis

What better lunch is there than that?

But caution: do not eat the olives

'Cause olives make you fat

Drink, drink, everyone drink;

It’s not as bad as we used to think

If pounds you would burn off, then turn on your Smirnoff

And drink, drink, drink

For dinner, a nice Scotch and soda

Now that oughtta help you to lose

No whipped cream, no butter, just lay in the gutter

And booze, booze, booze

Suppose you should meet a policeman

Who says you’ve been quenching your thirst;

You just tell him it’s physical fitness

And health comes first!

Drink (hic!), drink (hic!), booze everywhere (hic!);

Pass that decanter of bourbon there

I’m fatter than ever, but here’s what’s so clever:

I don’t care!