Not Evil - Tiffany Haddish

Hello, friends, my name is Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi

Don’t worry, I’m totally not one of those evil queens

You’ve read about in fairy tales or seen in the movies

And there’s no reason at all to be suspicious of me

Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know

Mmm-mm

Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know

I won’t lie, it’s actually very suspicious that you’re leading with this

I’m so not a villain, I have zero evil plans

No ulterior motive, just want to help where I can

I wanna shower you with gifts 'cause I’m selfless and sweet

So there’s no reason at all to be suspicious of

Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi

The least evil queen in history

And if you do not believe me

I totally won’t imprison your family

'Cause that’d be evil and that’s so not me

Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know

Really?

Because I’m getting super evil vibes here

Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know

Benny, do you like spaceships?

'Cause I think they are great

How’d you know that?

Loving spaceships is my one defining trait!

Well now, my good friend, you can build the spaceship of your dreams

On your very own planet with your own spaceship-building team

Come on, do not fall for this

Wyldstyle!

Haven’t you heard?

There’s no reason at all to be suspicious of her

Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know

Yeah, I know she keeps saying that but she’s clearly an evil queen

Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know

Yar, well, I’m not buyin' it

MetalBeard, a pirate without a ship, that’s so cruel

It’s like a spider without a web or a queen without a fool

Even her metaphors are suspicious

I’ve got a surprise for you

A planet that’s really a pirate ship, and the population: your crew

Her story checks out, she’s cool, not evil

What about me?

Unikitty, what’s the most glitter you can imagine?

A lot

Times that by infinity

Woohoo

And, Batman

Don’t even try it, lady, I don’t need anything

Oh, I know, that’s why I’m going to give you half of everything

Uh, like everything everything?

Everything everything

She’s rad.

This chick gets me

Here’s some other adjectives people use to describe me:

Unduplicitous, unmalicious, unconniving, unnasty

You’re clearly just adding 'un' to words that describe you

Who?

Me?

I’m Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi

I never trick people into trusting me

By hiding my true personalities

So I can use them to accomplish my evil deeds

'Cause that’d be evil and that’s so not me

I never cheat, I never bribe, I never scheme, I never lie

And that wasn’t a lie when I said just now that I never lie

'Cause I never lie and I never laugh when children cry

And I never poison enemies of mine

And I never cry when I’m alone at night

'Cause I’m not sad, I love my life

I’m gettin' off track, let me get back to the point I was makin'

I’m Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi

The most least evil person you’ll ever meet

And if you make eye contact with me

I totally won’t have you executed immediately

'Cause that’d be evil (Evil), evil (Evil), evil, and that’s so not me