I Can't Drink Cider Anymore - Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq

When we were still young enough to hang out down the park

Never on a school night, at the weekends after dark

We’d always find sources of cheap alcohol aplenty

Buckfast wine, Glen’s vodka, Hooch, and Mad Dog 2020

Using everything within our power to excess

Substances to enhance interpersonal prowess

But the wandering guy referred to as the Devil’s brew

I can bare no longer, as I’ll now explain to you

I can’t drink cider anymore

I can’t drink cider anymore

A cold lager and lime makes for a rather smashing time

But cider is a thing I can’t endure

Teenage drinking was a curse and it left me feeling worse

And other drinks we managed to procure

Now I can’t drink cider, I can’t drink cider

I can’t drink cider anymore

I can’t drink cider anymore

I can’t drink cider anymore

I’m absolutely fine with a beer or with a wine

And countless spirits one may wish to pour

But a single cider drink will make me throw up in the sink

Lavatory or even on the floor

Because I can’t drink cider, I can’t drink cider

I can’t drink cider anymore

Just to be creative we would often try to make

Clever combinations we might now deem a mistake

Trying new concoctions at a breakneck record pace

Making Sunday mornings an ordeal to have to face

Day-trips to the bathroom the finale of the week

Sat behind closed blinds with no ability to speak

But one drink left an effect I would near soon forget

And from those regurgitation’s I have not recovered yet

I can’t drink cider anymore

I can’t drink cider anymore

A Double G and tea is jolly good for me

A Jager bomb will warm me to the core!

I am the type of bloke who likes a nice spiced rum and coke

And though I’ve tried many times since just to make sure

I know I can’t drink cider, I can’t drink cider

I can’t drink cider anymore

I can’t drink cider anymore

I can’t drink cider anymore

A well-aged Scottish whiskey can be a little risky

But makes one feel satisfactorily mature

I can keep on staying out on the ale or on the stout

But cider leaves me bidding friends adieu

Because I can’t drink cider, I can’t drink cider

I can’t drink cider anymore