Preface -

They say the creases of a book mark the pages you were stuck on the longest.

They say the creases of your heart mark the moments you will never forget.

I

fall

asleep every night pleading with God to wake me from this horror in which I

live.

But nothing ever changes.

Life never changes.

Maybe I’m stuck on one of the pages.

God, am I stuck on one of the pages?

You wrote the plot to make me who I am.

Expectations piercing through my chest, I try to escape, but these labels are

too heavy to lift.

I have my problems, but I’m not convinced they’re self-inflicted.

So I blame them on the Author of the Universe…

Responsible for my identity, or lack thereof.

I try so hard to prove that I’m improving, driven by the fear that I’ll never

change.

Would it be too much to ask You to change my story from the bottom up?

Jesus, teach me how to suffer like a saint,

when agony returns once again to call my name.

Am I able to tolerate a chaos that I didn’t shape?

Christ, promise me I won’t lose my faith.