Good Ol' Alcohol - The Mooney Suzuki

I remember back in high school

Getting high was tons of fun

It’s much easier to score some weed than to drink

Before you’re twenty-one

At that age, I thought alcohol was square

Drinking’s something just old folks do

‘Course if we got our hands on some, well hell

We’ll drink like old folks too

It’s different now when you get older

And you’re gettin' on in your years

I’ve become so much more civilized

Since movin' on to spirits and beers

So today if I wanna act an ass

And gag, puke, stagger and fall

I’m gonna do it at the trusted hands

Of Good Ol' Alcohol

That Good Ol' Alcohol

One more before last call

Can make you feel a mile high

If you’ve been feeling small

Yes, every now and then

I’ll call upon my friend

That Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'

Alcohol

When I younger, my thing was hippy drugs

Like hashish, caps and lids

Had dugout with ZoSo written on it

Where I kept my one-hitter hid

Amphetamine just wasn’t my speed

And cocaine would make you go broke

But man o' man I sure could go for that

Marijuana smoke

I’d use a bong or bowl or rollin' papers

Or any other smoke component

Then I’d rip right through two boxes of

Entenmann’s coffee cake covered donuts

And if you found yourself stranded

With no paraphernalia at all

You could always poke some holes

Through empty cans of alcohol

That Good Ol' Alcohol

Finds you in the bathroom stall

With your face inside the toilet

Curled up in a little ball

Yet, once you’ve done my friend

You’ll come runnin' back again

For some Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'

Alcohol

The mescaline you scored at Sheep’s Meadow

Looked like little candy Nerds

That shit’ll make you crap your pants

And backward speak your words

Ate an eighth of psychedelic mushrooms

At my buddy’s girlfriend’s place

Listened to Electric Ladyland three times over again

With a strobe light in my face

Then there was LSD, some double dipped

And some were window pane

Some Bart Simpsons, some blue unicorn

And ahhh some of them just plain

Twelve hours later trying to get high

On shake, seeds and stems will do, fuck all

Only way to ease that come down’s

With some Good Ol' Alcohol

That Good Ol' Alcohol

When the Doctor pays a call

He may offer you some Percocet

Or even Demerol

Yet, when you’re high and dry

Nothing else will get you by

Like some Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'

Alcohol

There will come one morning after

When you will wake up and you will say

God damn, I’m gettin' too old for this

What time is it and what day

Where are all my God damn clothes

And where’s my wallet, shoes and keys

Where the God damn hell am I

And God damn it hurts when I try to pee

Now my liver’s limp, synapses spent

My nerve endings are fried

Got through many a trying night, the kind where

Stronger men have died

But I’ve seen it

Smelled it

Ate it

Tasted it

Lit it

Hit it

Chased it

Wasted it

Puffed it

Huffed it

Dosed and toasted it

Rolled it

Sold it

And tin foil bowled it

I’ve smoked

Poked

Copped

Popped

Mixed

Fixed

Chopped

Dropped

Licked

Kicked

Toked

Choked

Tweaked and Peaked

And woke and boke

I’ve scored it

And hoared it

I’ve snorted it

And sorted it

I’ve slipped it

Lipped it

Sipped it and roach clipped it

I’ve cleaned it and fiended it

I’ve laced it and tasted it

I’ve dipped it and chewed it

Zig zaged and bambooed it

I’ve cold turkey

I’ve restarted

I’ve discarded

And I’ve bogarted it

I’ve taken it

I’ve shaken it

I’ve stirred it

And slurred it

And blurred it

All

And there ain’t a God damn thing I trust as much

As Good Ol' Alcohol

That Good Ol' Alcohol

One more before last call

Can make you feel a mile high

If you’ve been feeling small

Yes, every now and then

I’ll call upon my friend

That Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'

Alcohol

That Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'

Alcohol

That Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'

Alcohol

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em