If We Crawl - The Beautiful South

If we crawl at 2

We could crawl at 22

And grovel at

The drop of a hat

And once they’ve got you down there

It’s so hard to re-straighten your back

If we crawl at two

We could crawl at 102

And the target brainless don’t quite reach

Covered so kindly in your opening speech

Is a tiny crab of thought, crab of thought

On a sideways beach

Let lessons not the pupils teach

Justice not the lessers breach

And maggots not have fingers

Wagged at by leech

Well, I made sure

I wrote this song in braille

So you could touch the words

The words that sail

From my mouth back to the jail

You could touch the words that sail

From the mouth back to the jail

That is posing as tongue

Curtsies, bows, 'Thank you, sir’s

And the wearing of a business suit

Lead to complaints of backache

And end with a Nazi salute

And once they’ve got you down there

It’s so hard to re-straighten your back

If we crawl at 2

We could crawl at 222

And the target brainless don’t quite reach

Covered so kindly in your opening speech

Is a tiny crab of thought, crab of thought

On a sideways beach

Let lessons not the pupils teach

Justice not the lessers breach

And maggots not have fingers

Wagged at by leech

Well, I made sure

I wrote this song in braille

So you could touch the words

The words that sail

From my mouth back to the jail

You could touch the words that sail

From the mouth back to the jail

That is posing as tongue

If we crawl at 2

We could crawl at 22

If we crawl at 2

We could crawl at 22