Big Bearded Bruce - The Beards

On the edge of town

In a small wooden shack

Or maybe the shack was made of metal

I can’t be sure about that

But there lived a man

Who made other men cower in fear

And he was known as Bruce

And Bruce had a big, big beard

And you don’t want to mess with

Big bearded Bruce (Big bearded Bruce)

Ohh you never wanna mess with Big bearded Bruce

Ohh noo

His eyes peared out from beneath that beard

Like two shiny stones

And when he walked the beard swayed back and forth

Like it had a mind of it’s own

And they say he’s killed a dozen men

Throughout his many long years

Oh but where does he hide the bodies

Well they’re all buried deep within his beard

Ohh

That’s why you never wanna mess with

Big bearded Bruce (Big bearded Bruce)

Noo you never wanna mess with Big bearded Bruce (Big bearded Bruce)

Stay well away from Big bearded Bruce (Big bearded Bruce)

You would be wise never to cross paths with Big bearded Bruce (Big bearded

Bruce)

Ohh noo

They say that if he gazes at you

With his icy cold stare

That he can will your very glands

To produce more facial hair

And if he sees a beard that he likes

He’ll scalp it from your face

And hang it with all the others

Above his bearded fireplace

Ohh

That’s why you never, never, never, never wanna mess with

Big bearded Bruce (Big bearded Bruce)

Ohh you never wanna mess with Big bearded Bruce (Big bearded Bruce)

Stay well away from Big bearded Bruce (Big bearded Bruce)

For the love of god please dissociate yourself at all time (Big bearded Bruce)

From Big bearded Bruce

Ohh noo

There was however friends one time

When I had the ill fortune of crossing paths with Big bearded Bruce

It was late and I was strolling home along a deserted road

When up ahead I could see a bearded figure moving in the moonlight

I turned to walk the other way but all too late

A hand reached out grabbed my shoulder and swung me around

And I stared up into the bearded face of Big bearded Bruce

Big bearded Bruce reached out his hand

Touched my face

My face was bare divoid of all beard

As I contenplated the errors of having lived a beardless life up until this

point

Big bearded Bruce lifted me off the ground and I stared at him

Face to beard

In a panic I did the only thing I could think of

I reached out my hand, grabbed a chunk of his beard and tore it away by the

roots

Screaming Big bearded Bruce threw me into the ground

And I ran off into the night

Cowering in fear

And as I ran I could hear him screaming

«My beard!

My precious, precious beard!»

«Arghhhhh Arghhhhh!»

(Big bearded Bruce)

(Big bearded Bruce)

(Big bearded Bruce)