Don't Telephone, Don't Telegraph - Tex Williams

If you wanna spread the news

theres a lotta ways to use

but the ordinary ways

are much to slow

there is just one thing to do

here is my advice to you

confidentially it’s the fastest way i know

dont telephone, dont telegraph

tell a woman and the news will get around

dont telephone, dont telegraph

tell a woman and she’ll really go to town

all my life i didn’t think

it was wrong to take a drink

til one day my gal found out and I was sunk

seems the woman spread the word

and the next thing that I heard

they were saying I was in the gutter drunk

(call a cop)

Telephone (no, no), Telegraph (never, never)

Tell a woman if you want to advertise

tell a woman and she’ll build it up with lies

Now my gal and I would spark

every evening after dark

And one night I said please be my honey bee

(buzz, buzz)

Later on I changed my mind

but it didn’t work I find

cause she slapped a breach of promise suit on me

tell a woman and she’ll tear your heart in two

tell a woman but you’re crazy if you do

Saw the cutest blonde one day

dancin' in a cabaret

and she swung her hips around from a to z

(a, b, c, d, e all night)

it didn’t mean a thing

if you haven’t got that swing

so she turned around and took a swing at me

Tell a woman and she’ll put you in your place

Tell a woman and she’ll slap you in the face