History of Philosophy Rap - Rucka Rucka Ali

Asians

Asians

Asians

Asians

Asians

Were the first to philosophize

Unorganized confused shit

Like Confucious or the fat giggling Buddhist

Who said life is suffering and through the centuries

Suffering is all Asians did but in Greece

Intellectual chimpanzees were putting things in order

Thales put his banana down and said everything is water

Which is dumb but to tie it all together is what he tried

It’s not watered its fire said the nigga Heraclitus

And that’s the kind of shit

That occupied the Athen nation

Tying everything together

Its called integration

Pythagoras said everything is numbers and a theorem

But there’s more to life than numbers so no one wanted to hear 'em

Zeno said there’s no such thing as change

(He got Rekt)

But we know he invented the debate or dialectic

When there was democracy there was Democritus

He was wrong about some shit

But they still they called him dad of science

Does the end justify the means

Thrasymachus said yeah

But tell that to someone dying for some else’s idea

And that’s the fate of Socrates

Convicted for corrupting little boys

And for democracy, he drank fucking poison

The Boys in Socrate’s class were mostly fake and gay though

But the first to build a system of philosophy was Plato

He said this world isn’t real

But there’s a world of forms

Where everything is perfect

He was fucking wrong

But they thought he was right

So his work was taught and saved

Ironically which led the west back into a cave

But he paved the way for his student

With the system model

Just the realest nigga ever to exist

Aristotle

He wanted explanation for the shit Plato told him

And he wrote it all down pwn’d Plate like a clown

All the bullshit Plato said

Stotle asked how

His metaphysics still hurts

Plato’s ass now

Aristotle wasn’t perfect but he gave us laws of logic

Which gave us shit like Playstation 1's and Apple Watches

All the cool shit you got thank Aristotle’s mother

Which is more than anybody did back when the words were uttered

Nobody gave a fuck

Yeah fuck what he was saying

They was busy eating gyros

Wrestling naked being gay

Like Epicurus told 'em Avoid all pain

The Stoics were like Nah to much pleasure is vain

They said be serious focus on what you’re doing

But they also pushed away the happines worth pursuing

And the skeptics

Ancient neck beard MGTOW’S

They said you can’t know shit

Wrong then gay now

As time passed Plato’s influence increased

Philo brought him to the jews

Enter Christianity

Augustine cemented Plato to the west in written pages

Placing faith over reason bringing in the dark ages

And poor Aristotle dismissed in his day

No one gave a fuck about his jam and it was cast away

And his fuckin name forgotten by a world that shit on him

Until he was discovered by, a Muslim

Al-Ma'mun translated him from Greek

And began a golden era when religion let you think

But reason was rejected by this guy Al-Ghazali

Which is probably why today Islam is not to fucking jolly

He decided tryna mix faith and reason was retarded

So he threw the precious work of Aristotle in the garbage

The enlightenment of the Arabs was over and Departed

But in Europe Tom Aquinas was like I’m just getting started

He learned of Aristotle from this Jewish guy Maimonides

And he got it from a Mooslam Averroes

If ever these three religions found common ground

It’s in placing reason over faith living hear and now

The sound of reason cut the silence of the Middle Ages

As pages filled with logic scrutinizing God himself

And the changes made some clergy nervous but it was too late

Because the dumbest shit they ever did was the let the artist paint

Human beauty was depicted love and sex celebrated

Life on Earth is the standard heaven could wait and Shit

And though Christ was the one being painted

Religion didn’t know it was being de-fanged and shit

That was the Renaissance then came the Enlightenment

The other Greek philosophers were studied with excitement

Now the truth could be discovered by no other means than reason

But then shit got more divided than the South and North Koreans

A group of new philosophers one of whom was Locke

Said you can’t trust your mind but your senses and your cock

Know reality so don’t thank too much you little bitch

The philosophers who said this are called empiricists

On the other side of this dichotomy of mind and body

Descartes and all his Niggas said your senses could be naughty

You could only trust your mind to know what is and isn’t

This school of philosophy is rationalism

That’s when philosophy became a shit storm

Scientists no longer thought philosophy was for 'em

It didn’t help philosophy to spare itself the damage

When Rousseau was talking bout how true nobility is savage

Philosophers of body vs philosophers of mind

All misguided but the truth is that the truth they tried to find

See they all respected reason they each wanted to have it

But then Kant said reason, reason is a faggot

He modernized Plato’s world of forms from before

Causing reason and reality its’self to go to war

He tried to fix the mind and body split but only made it bigger

Cuz reality requires you to reason my nigga

Now that reality and reason were divorced

Everone had to pick one at fuck whatever cost

Trying to understand the world became a fucking headache

Hegel said reality and logic are synthetic

Marx pushed reason even farther away

In fact, he said reality depends on how close you’re to a factory

If philosophy ended the Age of darkness

It was now layin the blueprints for retarded shit

Nietzsche loved power and strength

But it’s not reaching or a strength saying he inspired nazis

Superman’s something that Nietzsche gave us

But too bad he saw people as masters and slaves

Who were free now in America land of Thomas pain

Who brought over the Enlightenment from Europe he explained

The right of man is to be free because thats his fucking nature

When the Germans came no one saw the fucking danger

Royce and his boys turned to Hegel for the basics

Dewey said your mind doesn’t learn shit it creates it

Students went to Germany brought shit back and spread it

Which is why today’s smartest post retarded shit on Reddit

No reason to reason now that nothing could be known

Pragmatism said take action and Follow your emotions

Kids trained to have coherence of a mental patient

This was the birth of progressive education

Integration no longer required

Postmodernism said that your mind could retire

Religion made a comeback tribalism too

Cuz without reason there’s just feelings and the group

Without philosophy scientists, can’t resist oriental mystics

Claiming their shit is legit

Recycled anti-rationals repeating the same motions

Alleged men of science invoking their emotions

John Rawls said we all should be the same Social Justice is morality

Philosophy became a game of bullshit and semantics that no one understands

And nobody gives a fuck about except for Ayn Rand

The last of the Enlightenment she tied mind and body and reality to reason

Which is great except nobody intellectual would give a fuck

Professors wouldn’t budge

They must have their reasons but history will judge