Danny Tanner Rap - Rucka Rucka Ali

You know I just dont' get it

Last year I lived with my wife

And three little girls

This year I got half the neighborhood moved into my townhouse

What you need help with?

It’s called room and board, bitch

Get the fuck outta here

You see I’m just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)

I’m just a hell of a guy, I don’t know what Michelle would do without me (do

with out me)

Everybody in the world seems to now be part of my family (part of my family)

Now everybody’s got a problem and my job’s to make them happy (make them happy)

(yo)

You might see me walking my dumb dog Comet

Named after the powder we throw into the toilet

This mutt’s not ours, his mama snuck into the house without knocking

Dropped some puppies out of her cunt and took off

My daughter thought we won’t notice the dog barking

Gave birth on my property like a Mexican hopper

Whose fucking bed is this?

Jesse Katsopolis

Mullet head, another freeloader on my premises

Joey Gladstone, unfunniest of comics

Dumbass, toehead means your hair’s got jaundice

Oh, come on now, cut it out

Cut it out?

How 'bout I cut you out of my fucking list of dependents?

My fucking daughter must not know what a garage is

Reversed Joey’s car into the fucking dishwasher

I’m so proud, my baby can’t park

Least my dead wife never saw her turn out retarded (how rude?)

Never saw Michelle turn juvenile culprit

Disobeys me to stay up late and watch Arsenio Hall

You got it, dude, got what, bitch?

You and Comet?

Uncle Jesse and half the ZIP code living at my address?

Oh I see, Jesse thinks this house isn’t mine

Turned my basement into a studio and signed him a record deal

With a guy who’s got the same Elvis hair he’s got

Who he probably met on Epstein’s pedophile island

Jesse and the Rippers never had a hit

Their music sounds like shit

The Japs still gave those faggots a number one club hit

They said fuck it

Jesse Katsopolis don’t want me

To play in his cringe little 90s

Beach Boys cover band then he hired Viper

Who banged my kid DJ, damn V

You’re almost as bad as Tommy Page hitting on Stephanie

A couple of pedos watch over my girls

Then some ghetto nerd crosses over into my world

Did I do that?

Do what?

99% of crimes committed between 1981 and current year?

A house with three dudes but not gay

FBI probably got a pedo file on me

Wake up, San Franscisco, it’s Chris Hansen, sit down

Tell my why you told little baby Michelle to bend down

And remove diaper with two men that have been found

To spend time with kids every time their dad went out

Look at the feds cricle the house again

We got three minors living in a house of men

And I don’t need help from these men with giving my female kids

Baths and a scene with Uncle Jesse’s penis

Teenagers, they’re goddamn teenagers

Let 'em change clothes without you Joey, you pederast

I’m just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)

I got arrested for inviting pedophiles into my addy (my addy)

Apparently every fucking pedophile needs to live around me (live around me)

Tell everybody in the fucking world to come move in with me

Is it because you love me that you all fucking live above me?

Aunt Becky and two more fucking kids now live with hubby

Now because this hot talk show thot got knocked up

Then my top floor block is her locked spot?

The other townhouse next door is fucking empty

Their only kid is always fucking here, Kimmy Gibbler

Oh, I just stopped by to air out my feet

Use your telephone, eat your food, and go down on uncle Jesse

My fucking fat daughter getting plowed by that kid

He’s like a fucking discount Kmart Kirk Cameron

Shit, guess just stop by after football practice

I’ll just be here paying off the mortgage and taxes

Which is it, Jesse?

Katsopolis or Cochran?

Con man, faggot

Running around with a fake mustache

Raping Becky in the kitchen while the audience laughs

So tell me, what the hell’s a fella to do?

For every season that passes, another relative moves in, hey

Jesse’s uncle shows up to scream and act stupid (opa)

Joey Gladstone with his hand up the ass of a woodchuck

The kid from Kindergarten Cop singing shit with Joey

Suddenly we know who taught him about penises and pussies

Now Michelle brings her friends around

Let’s allow everybody to watch the game at my house (hooray)

And then to top it off, my sister’s got a chimpanzee

Who’s probably related to the Greek side of the family

I step out of the house for a donkey weekend

Get back and see Jesse’s playing songs with his friends

Okay, let me show you how I really do feel, uh

Here, meet the Benell, eat up some shells

Now I finally could just have this fucking house to myself

Goodnight Donna Jo, Stephanie, and Michelle

'Cause I’m just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)

I’m not a negative guy but I don’t want all these fucks around me (fucks around

me)

Nobody ever else pays the rent, especially not Becky (-cially not Becky)

I’m gonna sit enjoy the quiet now, fuck Uncle Jesse (Uncle Jesse)

You see, I’m just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)

I’m just a hell of a guy, I don’t know what Michelle would do without me (do

without me)

Everybody in the world seems to now be part of my family (part of my family)

Now everybody’s got a problem and my job’s to make them happy (make them happy)