My Clingy Girlfriend - Psychostick

I met her one day at the grocery store

She had a jar of pickles and ingredients for smores

I said to her «Smores are sweet but I’m sweeter»

She laughed and said «Sure you are, make me a believer»

Oh smores

I met her later for a cup of coffee

Something strange about the way that she looked at me

I took her hand, pulled her close, then I kissed her

«Don't ever leave me» she said in a creepy whisper

Oh shit

My new clingy girlfriend, loves to text me all night

My clingy girlfriend is jealous of all kinds of

Women, my friends, my dog, my Xbox

All of the above gotta be second to my clingy girlfriend, no

A year goes by, and she moves in with me

My man cave is now pink and there are tampons under the sink

I had a drum set I played but she pawned it

At her friend’s wedding, she reached for the bouquet and she caught it

Awkward

She spends her time looking at wedding dresses

Rings and cakes and flowers yeah, she’s kind of obsessed

I think it’s time to consider other options

'Cause I suspect that she’s poking holes in the condoms

Need proof

My clingy girlfriend, loves to text me all night

My clingy girlfriend is jealous of all kinds of

Women, my friends, my dog, my Xbox

All of the above gotta be second to my clingy girlfriend, no

I made her a cupcake to soften the blow when

I told her «I'm not ready for this level of commitment»

She grabbed for a fork then stabbed me in the arm and

Began to pull my hair out while expressing her resentment

And then she told me she would murder my whole family, my coworkers and the girl

Who took my order that day at Wendy’s then she set the house on fire

And ran screaming right outside and I felt guilty as the flames reflected off

her teary eyes

So I took her back and now she won’t let me have my car or my dog or my beer or

my porn

My bathroom, my guitar, my pool table, my camera

My iPhone, my website, my Macbook Pro or my iPad

My vitamins or my coffee maker, the internet or my waffle iron

My tools, my washer dryer combo, riding lawnmower, my fuel filter or my PS3

Or my sousaphone or my fishing pole or my life