Nipper - Thinking Fellers Union Local 282

One fine evening at about daylight savings time I decided to take my dog Nipper

for a walk.

I grabbed his leash and we were out the door.

Nipper sniffed

happily as his legs carried him along at a pace I could barely keep up with.

We glided along past the houses on our block and presently we arrived at the

first stop on our appointed rounds

Nipper sniffed the hydrant excitedly from top to bottom, inspecting every

square millimeter of its surface with a dedication reserved for only the most

important personal matters.

He gave it the once over, and the twice over.

After much deliberation, Nipper decided that all was in order.

He lifted his

leg and…

His personal business attended to, Nipper decided it was time to resume our walk

We headed off down the sidewalk at a brisk pace, Nipper bouncing along now

happily free of his burden.

We floated along past white picket fences,

driveways and mailboxes.

There didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary

but as we neared the corner Nipper began straining at his leash with all his

might

He began snarling and barking and a thick, white foam formed instantly around

his savagely snapping jaws as I struggled to control the leash, which was

thrashing around violently in my hands.

I couldn’t imagine what was making him

so homicidally agitated, when from around the corner appeared… the Postman

Without so much as a second’s hesitation, Nipper lunged

I was hauled face-first to the pavement and the leash exploded from my hands.

There was a cyclone blur of man and beast and the sounds of frenzied gnashing

teeth, tearing cloth and hideous, piercing screams.

The postman made one

desperate grab for his can of mace before his arm was wrenched from the socket

and thrown, useless, into the street.

Nipper swarmed over the postman like a

school of piranhas, tearing huge chunks of flesh right from the bone,

surrounded by a blizzard of blue from the shredded uniform.

It was only a

matter of seconds before the hapless postman was reduced to an unrecognizable

mass of gently quivering pulp

I pulled Nipper away from the carnage so we could continue our leisurely stroll

Nipper trotted along triumphantly, his head held high, with me in tow.

We zipped past immaculately clipped lawns and hedges, leaving a trail of

frequent blood spots that glistened moistly.

We had gone almost a block without

incident but as we neared the next corner, Nipper began straining at his leash

with all his might.

He started snarling and barking and a thick,

white foam formed instantly around his savagely snapping jaws as I struggled

to control the leash, which was thrashing around violently in my hands.

I couldn’t imagine what was making him so homicidally agitated,

when from around the corner appeared… Mauler

Now, Mauler was the biggest, meanest, toughest, most evil dog on the whole

block.

He was 100 percent muscle and bad disposition and more than a match for

10 or 15 Nippers.

He sidled right up to Nipper, sniffed him, and stopped.

He let out a low, throaty growl and his chops curled back to reveal rows of

razor-sharp teeth and powerful, bone-crushing jaws

Nipper was nonplussed.

Without so much as a second’s hesitation, Nipper lunged

Fresh from his recent victory over the hapless postman, Nipper launched himself

bodily straight at Mauler’s snout.

All 7−½ pounds of him landed with full

force and snapping jaws right onto Mauler’s nose.

In no time at all,

Nipper was tearing huge chunks of meat right from the bone.

Mauler bellowed in

agony as he was mauled and mangled from head to tail.

The one-sided battle

raged for only a few seconds as Mauler struggled unsuccessfully to escape but

was hampered by the geysers of blood gushing from nearly every part of his

rapidly diminishing body.

It was only a matter of seconds before Mauler was

reduced to an unrecognizable mass of crimson, pulsating mush

As Nipper backed away from the carnage, who should suddenly appear from around

the corner but Sheba?

She bumped and ground and strutted her stuff for all her pedigreed worth.

Every part of her flounced seductively as she pranced down the sidewalk with

her head held high.

She breezed right by as if we weren’t even there and

stopped just a few feet away to preen.

Nipper’s interest was piqued

Without so much as an introductory sniff, Nipper lunged

Exhausted from the rigors of the evening, Nipper decided it was time to call it

a night.

I grabbed his leash, attached it back onto his flea collar,

turned him around in the direction of home and we started to walk back as the

sun set scenically in the west