I Tried to Kill Myself - Mac Lethal

I got a deep depression

I don’t sleep when I need the resting so

I got a crippling anxiety inside me that’s about to eat my flesh, man

I just wanna feel relief and lessen

All the needless questions but I keep on stressing

And I keep obsessing

I keep looking at my phone every three damn seconds

Just to read my texts

And then I keep refreshing

Instagram every minute just to see some breast skin

If you wanna hurt me you don’t need a weapon

'Cause I keep distressing so deep

That I’m probably gonna bleed to death

From all the ulcers, diseases, infections and hunger to reach perfection

I used to take drugs just to ease the tension

But when you take drugs the Grim Reaper’s present

I ain’t talking 'bout the reefer you take for stress

I’m talking 'bout the painkillers that’ll keep you sweating

I shouldn’t be alive

Here’s a bleak confession:

I was overanalyzing each regret

I got emotionless

I wanted to go somewhere and die

So I climbed to the roof of the tallest building

Took the deepest breath and… closed my eyes

Then I jumped!

Like, finally

I can be free from stress

I can be free from this deep depression

I braced for impact

I’m gonna go «smack!»

on the street in seconds

The fall took longer than I thought it should

I spread my arms and tried redirecting my body so

I can hit the ground sooner

Ready to die, like heaven’s waiting

I decided that I’d open up my eyes and

Holy shit, I was levitating!

You gotta be joking

I never hit the ground

I was in the air floating

I grew two big white wings when I jumped

And now both of them were open

And I couldn’t even close 'em

And above my head was a halo

I said to myself:

«Uh, if I’m not mistaken, I think I’m an angel»

Yep, I’m an angel

Look, I’m an angel, I see it myself

I don’t believe in angels, though

Which makes sense because I don’t believe in myself

My wings are spread

I’m flying so high right over my city

You know what?

I never realized, goddamn, man

This place is kinda pretty

Look at that sunset

Look at that horizon

Look at that man playing songs on the violin

I just wanna put a couple dollars in his hat

His song is so pretty I just wanna go and clap

Look at that homeless guy, he looks hungry

He probably needs a ride to the shelter

Look at that pregnant woman, trying to cross the street, man

Somebody should help her

Look, it’s my grandmother

Look, it’s my damn brother holding hands, walking to the store

Look, it’s the girl that I loved for years

She’s on my front porch, knocking on my door

I don’t understand

When I told her that I liked her

She said we should just be friends

Does she want me now?

I wanna talk to her, wait a sec, no

My life can’t end

Oh my God, there’s my dog in my backyard

I forgot to let him inside

I remember all the lonely days where he would snuggle me and keep me company

I swear I would pet him and hide

He’s kinda old and he can’t see well

So he’ll probably never find a new home

And right there is the cemetery where my dad is buried

And on his tombstone it says:

«Here I lie, proud of my children

I taught 'em to know

That whatever doesn’t kill them will make 'em stronger»

Fuck!

I let him down

I shoulda made it longer

I realized that my life cannot get better without me

I realized that my life on Earth was never about me

Happiness comes from health and people

From making 'em feel good and showing I care

I blinked my eyes and I was laying in my bed

I didn’t really die

It was just a nightmare

Got out of bed and put on my shirt, shoes, and pants

I guess I’ll give this life thing on more chance

Shit, I got a deep depression

I don’t sleep when I need the resting

Sometimes I fall asleep but I dream of death

And I wake up feeling better like

«I guess I just needed some deep compression»

No matter how sad you are

Don’t give in to the pressure

Just watch this video on repeat

Until you start to feel better

I love y’all