Why Can't the English? - Rex Harrison, Julie Andrews

Look at her, a prisoner of the gutters

Condemned by every syllable she ever utters

By right, she should be taken out and hung

For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue

Eliza (Julie Andrews):

Aaoooww!

Henry:

«Aaoooww!»

Heavens, what a sound!

This is what the British population

Calls an elementary education

Pickering (Robert Coote):

Oh, come sir, I think you picked a poor example

Henry:

Did I?

Hear them down in Soho square

Dropping «h's» everywhere

Speaking English anyway they like

You sir, did you go to school?

Man:

Wadaya tike me for, a fool?

Henry:

No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike!

Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse

Hear a Cornishman converse

I’d rather hear a choir singing flat

Chickens cackling in a barn

Just like this one!

Eliza:

Garn!

Henry:

«Garn!»

I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?

It’s «Aoooow» and «Garn» that keep her in her place

Not her wretched clothes and dirty face

Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?

This verbal class distinction by now should be antique

If you spoke as she does, sir, Instead of the way you do

Why, you might be selling flowers, too

Pickering:

I beg your pardon, sir!

An Englishman’s way of speaking absolutely classifies him

The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him

One common language I’m afraid we’ll never get

Oh, why can’t the English learn to set

A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?

The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears

There even are places where English completely disappears

In America, they haven’t used it for years!

Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?

Norwegians learn Norwegian;

the Greeks are taught their Greek

In France every Frenchman knows his language from «A» to «Zed»

The French never care what they do, actually, as long as they pronounce it

properly

Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning

And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening

But use proper English, you’re regarded as a freak

Oh, why can’t the English

Why can’t the English learn to speak?