To Victory - JT Music

This ballad is dedicated to the brave men and women

Who triumphantly traverse the treacherous terrain

Who fearlessly face unfathomable foes

Who conquer incalculable chaos

And all for what…

For the glory…

Of VICTORY

Recently divorced, I’m a father of one

I have a couple kids but they’re both with their mom

Luckily this weekend I got custody of my son

I took that fucker for a ride, cuz he wanted some fun

«Hey daddy, daddy, I wanna go faster!»

I’m sweating my ass off, shut up you little bastard

«I'm telling mom cuz you let me get stabbed»

Just another fun weekend with dad

Who’s hoppin' over obstacles, smashin' through glass

Bouncin' all around like a Kardashian’s ass

Call me Pogo Pete, I’m screamin' YOLO, SKEET

Better clear a path if I’m hoppin' down your street

I’m like a homicidal-kangaroo-jackhammer-man

Old ladies, little babies, doesn’t matter where I land

I got a sword in my ass, and this shit hurts

But I always wear a helmet, safety first

My Happy Wheels keep turnin'

I’ll be flyin' at the speed of light

How I love the smell of rubber burnin'

Push my limit cuz I’m ready to die

Get out of my way, my agenda matters

Ate 5 Big Macs and I’ve got a full bladder

Cruisin' through Wal-Mart, I’m the quickest

Only obstacle I’ve got is my diabetes

Keep your distance bitch, haven’t showered in years

Runnin' on Doritos and a couple of beers

They say my blood pressure’s gonna number my days

You think obesity kills? I say obesity SLAYS

That verse was phat, talk about a segue

I ride around on my energy-efficient segway

Meeting at twelve, and I can’t be late

I work in HR, and I mediate

Just a day at the office, but it’s kind of a drag

My best friends — left hand — and a nudey mag

I love my corporate lifestyle, I’m kinda nerdy

Won’t stop this office freak from ridin' dirty

My Happy Wheels are a-rollin'

Even with this harpoon deep in my ass

Love the carnage, body parts are a-bowlin'

I’m hangin' on, my limbs are barely attached

Throw your child in a blender

Laughing as he’s dismembered

What’s the point of this mutilation

Crash and tumble through gauntlets

Tell me why do we want this

My masochistic jubilation

I’ll be quick to turn you into mince meat

I’m the sickest lawn mower that you ever did meet

Landscapin' faces, I make it personal

You stood me up on prom night, and I won’t be merciful

(BITCH)

Nothin' runs like a Deere, except you

I love the smell of fresh cut grass and death too

I’m armored by fat, don’t think that you can kill me

Hope you brought an appetite, I’m makin' human chili

I smell like feces and I’m really baldin'

No need for sneakers, I got wheels and rockets

I rock the cosmos like I’m Steven Hawking

Not handicapped, but I don’t feel like walkin'

I’m on welfare, cashin' checks

On crack and meth while I’m crackin' heads

Haven’t been the same since I got back from 'Nam

Just like Rambo — (If he was a bum!)

My Happy Wheels are spinnin'

Arms and legs and heads keep on flyin' by

Like a monkey through the jungle swingin'

Covered up in blood, and I’m in my prime

It’s not bad, just a flesh wound

But I’ll probably be dead soon

Someone oughtta take a screenshot of me

I’ll go out like a rockstar

Body parts will be long gone

Just as long as I get to Victory