Spent - John Louis

If only the drinks understood what I’ve been through

If only my attempts to blot you out didn’t hurt my health

If only I learned how to love what I died to

Then maybe I’d learn how to hate what I do to myself

‘Cause I remember trips we took

Like we just got home yesterday

I revisit our old pictures

Like the headstone on our grave

I remember gifts I gave you

On your birthday at the beach

The engraving on your watch

That marked our anniversary

When does the healing start?

How long do I have to feel this low?

Why don’t I protect my heart?

I can’t remember ever feeling so alone

Why doesn’t God show His face when I need Him to?

I wish I had the strength to ask Him where He went

‘Cause then maybe He’d welcome me home, like a father would

And maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here, oh, so spent

‘Cause I remember back in Sunday school

That He was in control

So I confessed Him with my mouth

But that was fourteen years ago

I remember nights when I would cry

Alone beneath the moon

Oh, if only I could find the strength

To ask Him, «Where were You?»

When does the healing start?

How long do I have to feel this low?

Why don’t I protect my heart?

I can’t remember ever feeling so alone

When does the healing start?

How long do I have to feel this low?

Why don’t I protect my heart?

I can’t remember ever feeling so alone

I can’t remember ever feeling so alone

If only I’d seen how you looked when I told you

That I wouldn’t leave you no matter how dark it got

Then maybe I’d have seen it coming, my lover

Maybe I’d have avoided becoming somebody I’m not