D'Orine the Cow - Ian Dury

I’m D’Orine the Cow, Tom the Bull’s better half

My daughter’s called Daisy, she’s a very nice calf

When I’m all finished milking and chewing the cud

Mr. Meatface the butcher will be after my blood

Cos I’m D’Orine Cow

I’m D’Orine the Cow

I’m somebody’s quarter-pound hamburger bun

And somebody’s trousers now

I’m Lofty the Lamb from the heart of the shire

My texture’s too coarse for your fashion attire

So soon I’ll be bound for the abattoir’s slab

Slaughtered and frozen for doner kebab

Cos I’m Lofty the Lamb

I’m Lofty the Lamb

I seem to have gambolled my short life away

I’m a sandwich instead of a ram

I’m Mary the Chicken, the result of research

In the dark with no feathers and wedged on this perch

Pieces go missing when chickens collide

Oh bury my bones with your Kentucky Fried

Cos I’m Mary the Chicken

I’m Mary the Chicken

You wouldn’t eat me if you knew where I’d been

You’d be heart-stricken

I’m Jonathon Pig and I’m fearsomely stout

From the tip of my tail to the snuff of my snout

I’m too fat to move and I’m too young to die

So think about me next time you eat a pork-pie

Cos I’m Jonathon Pig

I’m Jonathon Pig

My ears have gone into the sausage machine

And so has my thingumajig

My thingumajig