Self Esteem - Garfunkel and Oates

You text at three in the morning

And you misspell my name

You’ve slept with half my friends on Facebook

And most of them think you are lame

You say that with me, it’s different

And you’re not that big of a dick

And if you disappear, it’s 'cause you’re busy

Not 'cause you’re with some other chick

I know this might be uncouth

But I’ve decided to tell you the truth

My self esteem’s not low enough to date you

It’s close, but not quite there

Give me time to get a little bit more rejected

And you and I could make an awesome pair

A totally awesome pair

I seem like your perfect target

Like I’ve been lonely for too long

You think I haven’t had sex in forever

And I’ll admit that you’re not wrong

But I would rather have no one

Than this crap, let me reaffirm

I wouldn’t touch your dick if I’d been poisoned

And the antidote was in your sperm

I know this might be uncouth

But I’ve decided to tell you the truth

My self esteem’s not low enough to date you

It’s close, but not quite there

Give me time to get a little bit more desperate

And you and I could make an awesome pair

A totally awesome pair

Thanks for not even pretending to respect me

Or slightly acknowledging how mean this is

'Cause what’s easy to find is a loving relationship

What’s hard for a girl like me to find is penises

Especially when I’m on the road

Or anywhere, really

'Cause I’m a girl, hello

That’s kind of how it goes

Love is elusive and impossible

But dicks are available everywhere

So sorry if I don’t feel super-lucky

To get a penis like yours attached

To a man who can’t even pretend to care

Maybe if something goes horribly awry

And I think I’ll never find a better guy

But for now

For now

My self esteem’s not low enough to date you

It’s so close, but not quite there

Give me time to get a little more wasted

And you and I could make an awesome pair

A totally awesome pair