Birthday Card - Example

Clean up my act, stop being an asshole

Didn’t help my debacle

I’d just woken up from an all day, all night, filthy bar crawl

Something quite bate about today’s date

It was hard to locate, I’d drunk too much Pernod

Took another swipe with my Mach 3 Turbo

Then it hit me like a raging inferno

I don’t believe it, I

Forgot her bloody birthday card

She won’t be a happy girl

Forgot her bloody birthday card

She gonna scream and yell

Forgot her bloody birthday card

She’ll leave me man, she might as well

Forgot her bloody birthday card

I try to keep things relative

Never give edicts to myself if I can

But I can only think negative

Used to tell her shit like I’d lost my pen

Now there’s a chance that I’ll never see her face again

So I walk a fine line, but it’s not the end

See, I bought her a voucher for H&M

She can get a new skirt and she’ll look the part

And if it don’t work, pour out my heart

Look, yeah, I’m going to be completely honest with you, you know I love you,

you know I respect you

At the end of the day, a birthday card is just a piece of paper innit?

In an envelope

Yeah I know a voucher is a piece of paper too

Yeah, but you can get a skirt with that

Well you can get shoes then

Wait, wait, allow that, allow that

Wait, nah that’s bullshit, I can’t do that

Can’t sound like a wanker with girly chat

So I gotta make a dash for the petrol station

Cause their cards are perfect for any occasion

I drop my razor and splash my boat

I grab some tracky B’s and a random coat

Then I’m on it with a wallet and I hit the pavement

I’m running down the street with my face half shaven

I’m getting stronger and stronger, my legs are burning

There’s still hope yet, just a couple of turnings

See the longer I wander the more I’m screwed

She gets here at 10 and it’s quarter to

I get to the garage, panick, scanning the rack

99 percent of the range is all crap

«Happy Birthday Dad», «World's Best Mother»

«I Love You Sister», «You're a Special Brother»

No other bloody card with a cover for a lover

Plus I’m getting kinda stressed as I search for another

But this one struck me, it’s pink and funky

With a cartoon print of a drunken monkey

There’s a chance that I’ll make it, I’m nearly done

I hand in the coins and it’s time to run

Now it’s 5 minutes to and I’m nearly home

I feel the vibration and check my phone

The message reads, «Honey, I’ll be there shortly

I just got off the bus and I’ve started walking»

So like Kelly Holmes I sprint the home straight

I rip my tracky B’s as I hurdle the gate (Shit!)

I crash through the door, and fall up the stairs

Looking like I’ve been in intensive care

The Biro’s fucked, the pencil’s broken

I grab a Magic Marker and write a token

Of my appreciation for her

And the things that she does that make her so per-fect

Shit, there’s the bell

I seal the envelope it should all be swell

Look, here she is, my Kiera Knightly

She gives me a kiss and I hug her tightly

She asks why I’ve only shaved half my face

And sweating like I’ve just come first in some race

«I got up extra early

To exercise and stretch my thighs

So I could see my special girly»

She looks in my eyes and sees my lies

With a dubious face she accepts the card (Here you go)

She reads it, drops it and slaps me hard (What?)

I open it up and prepare for doom

The text in the card reads «Get Well Soon» (Damn)

Okay, yeah, I admit, yeah, I messed up.

I messed up big time

But have I got a surprise for you

Yep, nah nah, wait for it

I booked us a table…

At Nando’s

No, s-.

where are you going?

Seriously, where are you going?

It’s only a card!