Clean The Kit - Andrew Lloyd Webber, David Shannon, Michael Shaeffer

Soon I’m gonna be a man

Be a player, not a fan

'Cos that’s all I ever wanted since my life began

Gonna be a soccer star

Maybe drive a fancy car

Build a mansion in the country for my Ma and Pa

Gotta clean the kit

I’m so sick of it

Each day I have to go to school

Have to try to keep my cool

While I study for exams on how to be a fool

It’s no wonder I’m annoyed

'Cos the state is overjoyed

Just to teach a poor boy how to join the unemployed

I’m so sick of it

School and cleaning kit

One day, I won’t have to take it

'Cause I know I’m gonna make it

All I need’s a chance

And I’ll be on my way

Only fools obey the rules

Thy worked all day like stupid mules

I’m busting out of hre

I’ll do it one fine day

I ain’t eatin' shit

Cleaning people’s kit

(Meanwhile:)

Alright Thomas?

Don’t «alright» me, you Proddy git!

My cousin had the shit kicked out of him

last week by a bunch of you bowler-hatted bastards!

Nothing to do with me, mate.

I’m an atheist and an internationalist:

I recognize neither God nor country

Well, you’ll «recognize» a boot in your face if you show yourself around here

again, mate!

Now piss off, and never come back!

But the season’s just starting!

This is my team!

This is a Catholic team!

And you’ve just been suspended — permanently!

We mean it, Copeland: come around here again, and you’ll regret it!

You’re not fit to wear a kit

You bastard orange Proddy git

We’ll tear it off your back

And stuff it down your throat

Take our advice or pay the price

We certainly won’t warn you twice

The tide has turned

And soon we’ll be the ones to gloat

You’re a sodding Brit

Wearing Irish kit

(Back to JOHN, and now MARY:)

So you’re gonna be a man

Not a stupid also-ran

Well, I heard a lot of talk about your master plan

I don’t think you’ll be a star

You ain’t gonna go that far

You’re all talk and sod all action

You’re all blah blah blah!

Come to terms with it

Born to clean the kit

Your life’s a farce

Get off your arse

Take my advice

Get back in class

Or hang around

And moan and groan your life away

'Cos every hunk

Ends up a drunk

Just killing time

His prospects sunk

Still claiming that he’s gonna bust out one fine day

If the cap’ll fit

You’ll be wearing it

Stuck here cleaning kit

Have no fear

The time is near

This boy is busting out of here

I’ll be burning brightly

Once the flame is lit

I’ll make my mark

Light up the dark

Explosions start with just one spark

And then another lad

Will have to clean my kit!

I’m so sick of it

School and cleaning kit

You’re so full of it!

But one day

I’m

Not gonna take it!