Tazer - Cretin

I have a van

It’s a special van

It has a couch in the back

So I don’t have to stand

I’ve covered the walls

With egg cartons and foam

Soundproofed my home

So you and I can be alone

I am a man

I’m a frightening man

I’ll do things tonight

You won’t understand

Fogging the windows

With my eager breath

Zapping your flesh

You’ll beg me for death

The open van door unnerves you a bit

I pounce when you walk by—a gibbering miscreant

I’m not wearing pants and I smell like burnt hair

My tazer crackles and lights the night air

I have a plan

It’s a secret plan

I’ll borrow you awhile

And shock you in my van

You’ll writhe and squirm

Spasm and twitch

Fifty thousand volts

Surging through you bitch

I’m just a man

With stun gun in hand

Your nightmare won’t end

Until sparks fill my van

I’ll tazer your soft bits

And giggle when you pee

Then we’ll drive far away

And I’ll set you free

I know it’s wrong but I find it enchanting

Your body tenses and I can’t stop my laughing

I like to pretend that you’re having fun

Your grimace, a smile, lit by my stun gun