Picks and Lasers - Country Joe McDonald

This next song is called «picks and lasers», it’s a science fiction war song

about a guy some time in the future who’s mining ore on mars and hears about an

intergalactic war.

he goes up and he enlists in the federation and fights,

he enlists for a, er, for a tour of eighteen years, and-a, he goes off to

fight in outer space and, er, gets kind of bummed out and wants to go back home.

and that’s about the size of it.

the story is all this time and-er,

this is called «picks and lasers», so here we go, kind of a long involved

thing but i think you’ll enjoy it.)

Well, the first time that i heard the sound i thought it was the humming

Of weather-drones orbiting above the frozen sea

The next time that i heard the sound i also heard the voices

In a hundred different languages calling out to me:

«come put away your laser-pick and soar the galaxy.»

And working on my k-jet in the heat of martian summer

I felt a strange vibration coming from the distant stars

Old charlie only laughed at me, he said it was 'space fever'

He thought that i had lost my mind when i told him that i saw

The war-ships of a thousand worlds slicing through the stars

Then from the sky came saturn sal with contrail streams behind her

And the word she said was 'war' again, so what was i to do?

Oh, the 'droids' all started chirpin' and old charlie’s mouth fell open

As i tossed my picks and lasers in the little turbo-two

I could hear them cryin', «no, don’t go!»

as the red dust blocked the view

Hey, picks and lasers;

bits and phasers in another time

Here’s a story of blood and glory and life upon the line

Picks and lasers;

bits and phasers in another time

Here’s a story of blood and glory and digging in the mines

In the martian mines

Oh, the 'cruiter' said i’d broke down and surely i must know it

For i’d been diggin' martian ore for thirty years or more

I must have made a fortune and i’d probably live to spend it

If only i would change my mind but i insisted, «no!»

So i filled out all the proper forms … that was eighteen years ago

I joined the federation and they placed me and my unit

In the rainbow rings of saturn two thousand years away

And the squadron doing night watch are all kriptees from artura

And the day watch is all human clones from the u.

s.

a

Poor souls, they vaporized them all the other day

But no one tells me nothin', i never ask no questions

My vision’s 20−20 and my health is a-ok

I’m a z rank photon sniper and they work me like a slave 'droid'

And laugh to see me vaporize a ship a week away

Oh, i hold the highest kill rate in this galaxy, they say, hey!

And at night, they beg me please to tell them of my memories

Of diggin' in the red dirt beside the frozen sea

Where the daylight lasts forever and a man can make a fortune

And they sit like little children, just as quiet as can be

Things of every size and color how they hearken unto me

And i tell them of the ore mines scarring up the desert

Of tunnels going farther than the human mind can go

I tell them of explosions vibrating on forever

And us down with our laser picks a hundred miles below

While above us on the surface atomic stockpiles glow

And i tell of crystal caverns with walls of coal and copper

Of tunnels packed with veins of ore, but never hint of life

And craters packed with sensor beams and mine shafts filled with darkness

I tell them of my eco-dome at the recon-testing-site

And i find myself thinking, «hey, that sure was the life.»

So i talk of copper mining while the death-rays are exploding

And the soldroids at the firing place are homing on the foe

And i yarn of ore refining while the star fleets are destroying

And they listen to my stories, seven hu-droids in a row

Seven sleek and shiny hu-droids with their circuits all aglow

And i tell them when it’s over how i’ll return to my planet

Those seven shiny hu-droids are crazy to go, too

And i’ll get myself the laser drill that i had always wanted

And ask the price of crude ore, and the depth of martian blue

And i’ll get my gear in order and i’ll start to work anew

For i’ve had my fill of fighting?

i’ve seen a world divided

Space all filled with slaughter and the heavens red with gore

An a galaxy a-smolder and as if it really mattered

For the red dirt is calling me to my dome upon the shore

And the 'droids' are chirpin' madly … old charlie’s singing gladly

And i’ll rest upon my planet and i’ll leave it never more

And leave it never more