Prologue - Candlemass

THING-FISH:

Once upon a time, musta been 'round October, few years back, in one o' dose TOP

SECRET LAB-MOTORIES de gubbnint keep stashed away underneath Virginia,

an EVIL PRINCE, occasion’ly employed as a part-time THEATRICAL CRITICIZER set

to woikin' on a plot fo de systematic GENOCIDICAL REMOVE’LANCE of all unwanted

highly-rhythmic individj’lls an' sissy-boys!

De cocksucker done whiffed up a secret POTIUM… an' right 'long wid it,

de ATROCIOUS IDEA dat what he been boilin' up down deahhhh jes' mights be de

FINAL SOLUTIUM to DE WHITE MAIN’S 'BOIDENNN', ef yo' acquire my drift…

Well, he were sure he had a GOOD THING GOIN'… but, dere was always de

possobility dat somethin' might fuck up, so, he planned to have a little test,

jes' to check it all out befo' he dump’t it in de wattuh supply

Sho’tly denafter, wit HIGH-LEVEL GUBNINT CO-ROBBERATIUM, he arranged to have a

good-will visit to SAN QUENTIM, 'long wit some country-westin mu- zishnin’s,

'n sprinkle a little bit of it on some of de boys in deahhh (since dey done

used a few of 'em befo' when dey was messin' wit de ZYPH’LISS)

So, heah dey come wit de POTIUM, dump’nit all in de mash potatoes!

Den dey wen' up to de warden’s office fo' some HOT TODDY, watchin' a little

football while dey’s waitin' to see what gone happen!

Fact o' de matter were: NOTHIN' HAPPENED, so dey went off’n dribbled it in a

special shipnint of GALOOT CO-LOG-NUH dat went out 'bouts NOVEMBER!

Next thing y’know, fagnits be droppin' off like flies…'long wit a large

number of severely-tanned individj’lls, pre-zumnably of HAY’CHEN EXTRAKMENT!

But NOT DE BOYS IN DE REST HOME!

Oh no!

Mixin' de shit wit de mash potatoes

done SMOOTHED IT OUT a little, so’s it wouldn’t KILL yo' ass, BUT,

it sho' would make y’ugly!

'N ef y’was already UGLY, it’d make yo ass MEAN 'n

UGLY…'n ef you was already MEAN 'n UGLY, it’d turn ya into a strange,

UNKNOWN KREETCHUH, never befo' seen on BROADWAY!^LThass right!

It’d turn ya'

into a 'MAMMY NUN'!

Head like a potato… lips like a duck… big ol' hands,

puffin' up!

BIG ONES!

Science!

ME-jev'l re-LIJ-mus costumery all over yo' BODY!

Yow!

Oh yeah!

Mmmm-hmmm!