Beauty - Bellows

Everything I thought was beautiful is spoiled

Everything I thought was pure has come to harm

Everything I thought was magical is ordinary

Somehow I need you in my life

I can feel your arrogance consume me

You can feel my rejection of your space

Everything I loved about you now annoys me

A squirrel hole, a slap in my face

At your show I was hiding in the bathroom

Overwhelmed with desire just to leave

And though I’m drunk I just drive away without you

You come through after I fall asleep

There is a vulture circling our little stream in the desert

The blooming of the marigolds, the flight of the frightened deer

There is beauty in the way we bloom and fade together

Beauty in the certainty of never reaching what I’m after

You invite me in for a bump in your apartment

Creepy home we lived in once upon a time

I find it easy to confide in any stranger

I’m lonely, angry all the time

Unavailable to everyone I care for

Unconcerned for the people that I love

Unadorned you are crying in the corner

I’m wasted and I can only shrug

(Say something beautiful and just disappear, or hate how you’re living like

everyone else here)

I do not comfort you at all or dignify your failure

Was I expecting something better, something straight from the gut this time?

And I could shout, «why won’t you look at me?»

as you turn your shoulder

Beauty in the certainty of never reaching what I’m after

There is a vulture circling our little stream in the desert

And diving to the shore it eats the flesh of the dying deer

There is beauty in the way they bloom and fade together

Beauty in the certainty of never reaching what I’m after

Beauty in the dirty snow that settles in the dead of winter

Beauty in the evidence that you and I are tied together

Driving home through the country in the nighttime

There is peace in the nothingness I like

And then the conversation turns to what we thought was ending

A friendship that years ago felt right

A love we wasted every time

And I’m ashamed to have put you through this fight

And I just rage at what became my life

That making something beautiful was not

Enough to raise you up out of this rut