Again -

I quit believing I never mattered the moment I saw her face

I stopped and prayed to God at the altar, though I didn’t believe that day

Every starry night I put to waste I swear I found in you.

Comfort is so hard to

find when I’m alone inside our room

I never could’ve loved you the way I hate myself

Keep the good of me in mind

I quit believing in changes

I quit believing in writing

I quit believing in hoping

I quit believing in everything

As I watch you undress from atop the bedroom steps

Got your skin in perfect sync;

My name tattooed across your neck

Finding pictures on the walls tilted slightly to the right

Marks of dirt and blood and sweat to remind us of that night

There are bodies in the closet;

Mannequins with dresses- tall

Holding vases.

Eyeing phrases

We both know you used them all

Flower petals on the stand next to our bed;

I don’t forget anniversary;

It hurts how much I love you on my chest

There are nights I hear you crying

Dear, I hear you yelling out

It is 4:30 am and I feel strapped down to this couch

The memories, the crash, they all pass through my head

I am the reason for your tears

I broke the vow said when we wed

Your father swore I was a good man

He believed that I’d keep you safe

When he walked you down the aisle

Then he handed you to me

His face filled up with joy and tears

Shot a stare straight in my eye

A quiet man, he spoke five words

He said «Son, please treat her right.»

Now I’m gazing at a ceiling

Loving the man I never was

Stronger mind, stronger will

Stronger for you when we miscarried our son

Pages I penned, I penned for you;

Inspired most by what I love

Forever, you, you are my muse

And you will still be when I’m gone

I feel that feeling coming on

I’m falling faster less afraid

Heart is racing, mind is pacing;

How you said you felt that day

There is nothing in this world

That can hurt me when it hits

My eyes are closed and they won’t open up

But I can feel your breath

It’s nice to see you again